Of moving day

Atleast it wasnt like this:

"Honey ... I think we missed something"

While we were packing; and by we I mean V and me and by packing I mean the time when I was ready to leave Bangalore; we went through some of the stuff we werent sure of. It's been over a year in this apartment and while thats not much, two people left during the past year and some of their stuff were left behind. We were making sure that none of the stuff left behind were important and hence trash worthy.

It was at this point that we found something that boggled our eyes as well as our minds. You see, one of our previous roomate had left behind a stash (carefully hidden) of provocative pictures. Oh hell, why lie ? They were pure porn. Prono pics taken off the internet and then printed in black and white on A4 papers.

Boys will be boys. I get that, I totally do. But this is certainly not the sort of thing that you do when youre in your mid 20's. No no, when you're in your mid 20's you already know what sex is about and you dont need Debonair or Cosmopolitan. And you most certainly do not want to take print outs of internet porno. That's just ... just ... wierd.

We had a good laugh about it and stashed it away in the black plastic garbage bag.

Wrong move.

The packing was done and we shifted everything out to the new place where V would be staying. I was scheduled to leave that weekend. So everything was set and all we had to do was clean the place up and throw out the trash, which for some reason; we wouldnt do. Why ? Beats me. I know I'm lazy and I also know V had work that day but since we packed the whole place up it only seemed logical that we clean up.

Well, we ended up hiring help which is always ready at hand in India. V went off to work and left me to supervise the old woman who did the cleaning and the trash. As this was being done and me looking all important the woman upstairs, (not the coins couple) came down to have a chat and ask about the new place. This was unprecedented. The ladies of that building had always a wary eye for bachelors and we never expected them to indulge in chitchat. Maybe it was the fact that we were leaving that made this woman let her guard down.

Thinking back on it now I can see how clearly those things stacked up against me.

The cleaning lady took out the trash bag just as the woman upstairs was asking me about my family. The trash was stuffed in those big black plastic garbage bags and she had some difficulty getting it down the stairs. Ever the chivalrous, I offered to give her a hand. I took hold of the bottom in a fast grip and that was when I saw it.

The bottom had given away. And it was too late.

See this picture. See it very well :

We are at the head of a fleet of stairs. The bottom of a trash bag filled with papers has ripped off. The porno pics for which neither me nor V are responsible stumble out. Some get picked up with the wind and the lady from upstairs has a good long look at them as they fly past her. The rest fall out onto the stairs and in such an orchestrated manner that there is on one each step until it reaches the door of a family downstairs which unfortunately is open.

The door slams as the woman upstairs dissapears. All in one fast, swift moment.

The cleaning lady looks at the pictures and then back at the shocked, red faced me.

"Bachelors, eh ?" she asks.

World, we have a problem

I am living with the Devil himself.

Don't believe me ? See for yourself: Mathematical proof that vishal kc is the Antichrist!

Grrr. I should have known from the day he stole my cap! And on the day he changed his name.

But dont you worry. K and I will sort this out. We wont let this foul creature unleash Armageddon upon us. We have our pitchforks ready.

It's lynchin time !!

Of Roma and tight dresses

Oh Lord, If only I had a picture for this.

All right. Let's set this thing up for you.

Its Sunday afternoon and we are doing what we normally do. Nothing but TV. So V has the remote and he keeps surfing through the channels until he settles on Asianet. I'm not exactly sure what was on at the time but at some point the TV told us in frames (that were at times slow motion and fast forward the next second) that the Asianet Film Awards 2008 wes being broadcast at 6 in the evening.

Hmm, V mused. Wonder if Roma is going to perform.

I tried to cook up a story that no, Roma hadnt been at the ceremony coz ... well umm ... her mom was sick you know ...

Too late. A slow motion frame of Roma dancing on stage. Curse you Asianet. Curse you to hell.

So, it was fixed. The time slot from 6 to 10 was for the Awards nite. And V waited (quite patienlty, I have to admit) for time to pass. I was ok with it, I had the Simpsons movie to watch and I had already downed three glasses of vodka so I guess anything would have seemed fine to me.

The awards nite began at 6 and it was fairly good. The performances were ok and there wasnt a lot of boring stuff going on. Still I slept through half of oi and woke up at around 8.30. Had Roma come ? No.

I shrugged and went to the bathroom while V clapped his hands at when he heard a few Idea Star Singer names. And so there I was shaking sleep off my system in the bathroom when K shouted out for me.

K: You gotta see this man. Its Roma !! Get you stinking a$$ here right now !!!

I ran to the living room but by then it was too late. Cant blame me, when you gotta go - you gotta go. K was hysterical and V was oddly silent.

Did I miss her ? Naa, shez comin back on but we had a preview says K with a leering smile.

I sit down and hear the details whil I wait for the break to end. It seems Roma is revealing her legs and thighs in the next performance. Not that I'm against legs or thighs; I have nothing against anyone having his right to wear whatever he/she wants. But V's tirade about Roma being a good girl, a nice girl, a decent girl and more importantly a girl who neither I nor K has the right to look at (!!!) was becoming a bit tiring.

The break was over and the anchors called out her name. I clapped, K started giggling and V sat with thick silence.

It was apparent she was wearing stockings. But God was she a mess. A tight dress over a short plump body. Britney shaking her tummy in a bikini was better. This was just gross. I kept commenting on the fact that this girl had no need to wear such a tight dress and all the while my eyes kept going to an ubelieveable bulge on her pelvis. WTF was that ???

Well, she kept prancing and dancing on stage to numbers from Om Shanti Om and when it was finally over K was still giggling and I began my tirade over why that performance was so wrong on so many levels.

V was shattered.

Sorry mate - all that glitters aint gold.

As for Roma, you're cute and you're acting is good. Do not and I repeat: do not do this again. Look at yourself in a mirror before you wear some costume some fool gives you. Tight clothes do bring out beauty but to those who look good in it. You in a tight dress is just some teenager's wet dream.

K joins the fray, V changes his name and couple of 'em UFO's

Well it looks like K has decided to start blogging. His first post came in today from his office, its down below, but for those of you lazy to scroll : here it is.

V accepted his contributer status a few hours ago but decided being named with a single letter wasnt enough. So he changed it.

V will now be called Vlad the Impaler.

(I'll still call him V, Vlad if he gets physical)

Well, cant wait for him to start blogging ... I think he has a few satirical ideas to start with.

Well looks like a good start for this little project of mine so until my next post ... c ya !



Oh, CNN reports fighter jets chasing UFOs. Crazy huh ?

Of caps and sweethearts

Ok, so here are the details. I had a cap which was very nice but has been missing for around 3 - 4 months now. I've looked for it high and low but it seems to have dissapeared into thin air.

That is until now.

While snooping thru V's laptop (which by the way is the one we use to surf the net) I found this discriminating piece of evidence.

Ahhh ... it all comes back to me now. That last time I saw the cap we were in Bandipur going on a reckless dangerous and stoopid amateur trek thru the jungle. It had started to drizzle and V asked for my cap so he wouldnt wet his head.



That was the last time I saw it.

GRRRR. That makes me mad.

V - I know you'll read this. And I know you wont give me my cap back so I took it a step further. I took ur sweetheart hostage.



The cap for the girl. Standoff baby !!!