Monday, April 28, 2008

Of saying goodbye

How do you say goodbye ? Not to a person but to a dream ? A cherished dream that would have held the future for you, a dream that would have lasted all your life ?

That is what I have to say goodbye to when I say goodbye to Bangalore.

First off, apologies for not posting anything for nearly a month. The past three weeks have been a crazy whirlwind of emotions, heated discussions and difficult decisions. At the end of it all, for better or for worse, I've decided to leave Bangalore. Health, finance, career and family all had their part in this decision which I have to say, was one of the hardest I have ever had to take.

Two years ago on this very day I first set foot upon Bangalore. The myth's and legends of Bangalore being the techno savvy city of India were all thrown out the window in the first five minutes. While I was expecting something hi-tech I was greeted with pollution, garbage, stench and crowds. Of course this isn't the case for the whole of Bangalore but to someone who had come in for the first time, it was a bit of a shock.

I met V after four years that day and old friendships were renewed. Bangalore is the city that brought me back to my roots and my childhood. I was happy here ... for the first six to seven months, but then things went down a steady spiral.

I cant quite put my finger on what really happened, but I am sure that the dream did not work out. Working and being happy in your own country is something we all wish for but as you all know we almost never get what we wish for.

The dream isnt a total failure however. Career wise, Bangalore has done miracles for me. I can now go up to any interview without fear and work in any corporate without fear because I've been exposed to international work standards. This was not the case with my previous stint in Abu Dhabi where I worked for a local Arab company. In that office everyone screamed at each other and curiously, screamed at their computers.

But its still goodbye.

There are things in Bangalore that I wont miss. The pollution, the dust, the mosquito's, the rascist tones and most importantly, the dogs. Bangalore must have the highest population of stray dogs. You will not find a cat here and even if you do they'll be living on rooftops not daring to get down. Seriously after 11 pm Bangalore belongs to the dogs. I have been chased countless number of times by these hideous fanged creatures.

What I will miss are the malls, the pubs, the girls and the friends. There are memories here that I will never forget. Getting drunk with V and K, sitting by a lake in front of V's office and so many more.

When there were good time's there were also the bad times. And during these bad times I have hurt a number of people. I'm not going to name people but if you're one of them then please do know I that I am extremely sorry for my actions. I've apologised a number of times and a lot people have thought that I've never meant it but I do, I do mean it, from the bottom of my heart ... I do mean it when I say I'm sorry.

There is one memory I will forever cherish and that was meeting "her" for the first time. She was a long distance relationship and after two years of chatting and emails I finally saw her for the first time two years ago on this very same day. She was blurred in my vision that day; not because of tears, but because I was not wearing my glasses at the time; but that blurred image of her in a black tshirt and spotless white chicas will always be there in that album of memory snapshots. It's goodbye to you too, I've tried contacting you for the last few weeks but ...


We've slowly and surely drifted apart, you and I, and however much I may think it was all your fault on drunken nights I know I had my part to play in it too. I hope to see you again before I go.


So its goodbye Bangalore and its more likely to be goodbye forever. It's goodbye to a dream I've had for four years but I must be strong. Change is unavoidable and life is never constant. It's time to turn the boat around ... and try once again.


esvee said...

Good luck...!

Alex Mcone said...

Thanks ... I'm surprised I got a comment so fast!


Seema said...

Hi there...from my first comment on this blog (the dumper one) to this you have made a great move, from tone of this post..remarkable move is how i would see it..freezing up on a decision is the first step now just take your steps..go on and here's a lots of good luck being sent you way..Kudos..break new grounds !

Alex Mcone said...

I just cant stop grinning. I never expected comments on this post so fast.

Thanks for making me feel better Seema, and like I said earlier, it's comments like these that make my day.