Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Of the pansification of the alpha male

Disclaimer : The following post is meant to be of a humorous nature but due to the sensitivity of the topic the author would like to address those who might be offended : BOG OFF! The author would also like to thank the delightful Claire for inspiring the comment.

Gather round boys, we have a situation that needs be discussing.

There is a conspiracy. A conspiracy that has been set in motion for decades. A conspiracy that strikes at the heart of us men. A conspiracy that if unchecked will change forever the role of the male in this world.

Have you noticed how ultra-uber feminists (and believe me there is only one kind) have over the years grown in power and almost everything they say is taken for as holy scripture ? You dont believe me ? OK, I'll prove it to you. Sexual harrasement in the corporate world does not just mean the occasional groping and inadequate comments (harmful as they are) ... no it also means that a look, a single look interpreted by a woman in a different way can be termed harrasement. Yes. You might be sitting at your desk having a good daydream about GTA 4 or the latest Call of Duty looking into vacant space but unknowing to you the women at the opposite cabin feels like you're staring at her and God forbid if you're gaze is aimed at few inches below her chin.

Exactly. And who do you suppose brought upon us this terror filled atmosphere in the office wherein you cant trust your own eyes ? Feminists. Thats who.

Ahh, the good old days. Roman gladiators no matter how hideous they might have looked would have girls thrown at them. Oh, the girls would scream and thrash but it would do them no good. Why ? Because there were no feminists to intrude upon the nature-given right of the male.

The real man

I see the look in your eyes but I am extremely sorry my brothers: we are no longer that noble race. We have let the feminists slowly and gradually infringe upon our freedom and rights. I say the first instance of such a travesty was Bram Stoker's Dracula when that old good-for-nothing weasel Van Helsing praised Mina Harker as a majestic woman with the brain power of three men. Traitor! I wish that man could see the women who drive on our once male-exclusive roads!

And more traitors gave in. And some more. Women had the right to vote. Equality they wanted! Bah, the worst of their creed came upon the weakest of us and they, being caught unawares, gave in to their every demand. Traitors. Every one of them.

No,no ... dont weep. History has long past gone us by. We have to do something about the present situation that threatens us now.

Hmm ? Arent things bad as it is, you ask ? Brother - its getting worse.

You see the feminists might have got their way by bullying themselves into matters like constitution and laws but they have realised that its not enough. You see, they want to be the dominant sex of our species. A natural travesty that could bring about Armageddon is what they want. And they have devised a plan that will bring about the intended result within the next sixty to seventy years - if not less.

That demonic and diabolical plan is called: The Pansification of the Alpha Male!

In almost every species in the animal kingdom there is the dominant, the ruling alpha male. The one to which the entire pack turns to. Wherever this majestic animal goes; so too goes the ever obedient pack. Not to mention that the alpha male gets his share of food and sex first. That is the equilibrium of the animal kingdom. That is how it should be.

Alpha female ?? Who said that ?? Blasphemy ! Traitor ! Brothers : strip him and make fun of his pecker!

(Hee hee ... he does have a small pecker)

(cough) Where were we ? Ahh yes, the alpha male.

Now, humans have never had an alpha male ever since democracy has entered our lives. And a load of crap that is. But we do have symbolic alpha males. People who we trun to ... people who we try to imitate ... people who lead our pack for every generation.

You still dont get it ? Man, I know I'm intelligent but do I have to tell you everything ???

Oh very well ... its the celebrity male. Yeah, now you nod your heads.

Yes, the celebrity male. Can we forget the manliness of some of those immortals like Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris and might I also add : Ron Jeremy ? (RTB - thanks!) These were men, the real men, the epitome of all that we should be. As an Indian I can pull up a couple of my own Bollywood manly heroes : Dharmendra, Suniel Shetty and Salman Khan (with his woman beating antics).

Ahh yes, true patriots - all of you.

But the vile enemy known as the feminist have set their eyes on them. The above patriots were not to be tempted but the next generation surely was. And what did we get for the next generation ? PANSIES! That's what we got!

Long hair, studs on their eyes, tongue, ears and nose ... oh the list goes on. There are no real action movies anymore. No, no we have action "heroes"who cry over the fact that they have to kill so much. We have "tormented" super-heroes "disturbed" over their choice of life. We have "kick-ass" soldiers who cannot bring themselves to pull the trigger! You call this a movie ??? I call this PANSY!

Oh but the critics love it. They love it. They give it four flowers out of four. I bet they're all pro-feminists. The traitors.

What effect does it have on us, you ask ? Brothers - look around us. The new generation model themselves on these false stars. The grow ridiculously long hair, they wear studs ... and they ... they ... have facials !!!

The Unthinkable

Please dont shed tears. Dont.

And in the end we are left with a generation that will idolize these pansies. The generation to come will become pansies. They will teach their children to be pansies. Hence in three generations the woman will have replaced men as the dominant in our species. We will not have the alpha male anymore.

Its depressing.

What can we do, you ask ?

Boycott the pansies as evil and immoral. Shave every kid's hair. Let them run bald. Encourage facial and chest hair. Lets pool some money and start a propoganda that will run through our childrens bloods. We can do it, damn it ... we are MEN ! (say that with a throaty rage call)

Go forth, brothers. Go forth and lets make this world masculine again.

Heil, mein Alpha Male !

Monday, August 11, 2008

Of Singh is Kinng

Singh is Kinng is a 2008 Bollywood comedy directed by Aneez Bannerjee starring Akshay Kumar and Katrina Kaif.

In my previous posts you might have noticed that I dislike the over-the-top situations you see in typical Bollywood movies. The reason why I dislike them is because the movies take themselves too seriously and as a result these sequences fall flat on their faces. Typical examples are Race where the whole thing is ridiculous and Om Shanti Om where the movie tries to turn itself into a gritty revenge thriller in the second half (plus the fact that some of the jokes were not funny).

Thankfully Singh is Kinng does not fall into this category.

The movie follows the adventures of Happy Singh (Akshay Kumar) who searches the world for his childhood friend only to find him as a dreaded underwold don known as the King in Australia. In an attempt to turn him to the good side Singh finds himself taking over as temporary King while the original King is left paralyzed after an attack on his life. What follows are screwball comedy moments which turn the movie into a laugh riot from the word go.

And I mean laugh riot. Unlike the forced comedy of Om Shanti Om the comedy here is presented through a host of remarkable characters (including Akshay) and sequences that match the tone and flow of the movie. And the best part is: the movie does not take itself seriously. It does not try to mask itself with something that its not. Aneez realizes that the movie he's making is a comedy and he keeps it that way which results in a highly enjoyable movie experience. There are things wrong with the movie but they are small enough to be insignificant.

Akshay does what Akshay normally does. Its not a bad thing, he fits in the role and the movie is exclusively made for him. Katrina ... has nothing to do other than walk, talk and dance for a while. She really has to get better roles like the one in Namastey London. Ranvir Shorey is fast shedding the image of a sarcastic VJ into an actor who should be noticed. But I felt that the best performance in the movie was from a highly restrained Javed Jaffrey who speaks in whispers and hides the fact that he is deaf and dumb. Now for such a "loud" actor - speaking in whispers is tough and he does it extremely well. Watch out for him ... this very well could be his comeback. The punjabi gang is an extremely likeable bunch of characters, each unique in their own way and Neha Dupia surprises me with her comic performance. (Although there was one cringing scene where she sings)

It's extremely tough for me to give a Bollywood movie a thumbs up but this movie was honourable with its intentions and it made me laugh all the way through. Worth the watch and maybe another.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Of a brand new blog

I've achieved the element of surprise yet again!

After all the ruckus on the BlogCatalog discussions forums for the past couple of days, I decided it was time for an investigation to find out why people all over the globe seem so divided and seem so content with watching the other die. Such thoughts and desires have led to the creation of my brand new blog : The World Is A Riot.

Join me, all you socio-political ones as I go on a journey across the world and into the most dangerous conflicts man has ever laid eyes upon. Or if you'd rather stay here, that's fine too ... I'm not abandoning this blog for anything. I think this will serve as fitting balance to the dark creepy revelations on the other one.