Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Of the pansification of the alpha male

Disclaimer : The following post is meant to be of a humorous nature but due to the sensitivity of the topic the author would like to address those who might be offended : BOG OFF! The author would also like to thank the delightful Claire for inspiring the comment.

Gather round boys, we have a situation that needs be discussing.

There is a conspiracy. A conspiracy that has been set in motion for decades. A conspiracy that strikes at the heart of us men. A conspiracy that if unchecked will change forever the role of the male in this world.

Have you noticed how ultra-uber feminists (and believe me there is only one kind) have over the years grown in power and almost everything they say is taken for as holy scripture ? You dont believe me ? OK, I'll prove it to you. Sexual harrasement in the corporate world does not just mean the occasional groping and inadequate comments (harmful as they are) ... no it also means that a look, a single look interpreted by a woman in a different way can be termed harrasement. Yes. You might be sitting at your desk having a good daydream about GTA 4 or the latest Call of Duty looking into vacant space but unknowing to you the women at the opposite cabin feels like you're staring at her and God forbid if you're gaze is aimed at few inches below her chin.

Exactly. And who do you suppose brought upon us this terror filled atmosphere in the office wherein you cant trust your own eyes ? Feminists. Thats who.

Ahh, the good old days. Roman gladiators no matter how hideous they might have looked would have girls thrown at them. Oh, the girls would scream and thrash but it would do them no good. Why ? Because there were no feminists to intrude upon the nature-given right of the male.

The real man

I see the look in your eyes but I am extremely sorry my brothers: we are no longer that noble race. We have let the feminists slowly and gradually infringe upon our freedom and rights. I say the first instance of such a travesty was Bram Stoker's Dracula when that old good-for-nothing weasel Van Helsing praised Mina Harker as a majestic woman with the brain power of three men. Traitor! I wish that man could see the women who drive on our once male-exclusive roads!

And more traitors gave in. And some more. Women had the right to vote. Equality they wanted! Bah, the worst of their creed came upon the weakest of us and they, being caught unawares, gave in to their every demand. Traitors. Every one of them.

No,no ... dont weep. History has long past gone us by. We have to do something about the present situation that threatens us now.

Hmm ? Arent things bad as it is, you ask ? Brother - its getting worse.

You see the feminists might have got their way by bullying themselves into matters like constitution and laws but they have realised that its not enough. You see, they want to be the dominant sex of our species. A natural travesty that could bring about Armageddon is what they want. And they have devised a plan that will bring about the intended result within the next sixty to seventy years - if not less.

That demonic and diabolical plan is called: The Pansification of the Alpha Male!

In almost every species in the animal kingdom there is the dominant, the ruling alpha male. The one to which the entire pack turns to. Wherever this majestic animal goes; so too goes the ever obedient pack. Not to mention that the alpha male gets his share of food and sex first. That is the equilibrium of the animal kingdom. That is how it should be.

Alpha female ?? Who said that ?? Blasphemy ! Traitor ! Brothers : strip him and make fun of his pecker!

(Hee hee ... he does have a small pecker)

(cough) Where were we ? Ahh yes, the alpha male.

Now, humans have never had an alpha male ever since democracy has entered our lives. And a load of crap that is. But we do have symbolic alpha males. People who we trun to ... people who we try to imitate ... people who lead our pack for every generation.

You still dont get it ? Man, I know I'm intelligent but do I have to tell you everything ???

Oh very well ... its the celebrity male. Yeah, now you nod your heads.

Yes, the celebrity male. Can we forget the manliness of some of those immortals like Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris and might I also add : Ron Jeremy ? (RTB - thanks!) These were men, the real men, the epitome of all that we should be. As an Indian I can pull up a couple of my own Bollywood manly heroes : Dharmendra, Suniel Shetty and Salman Khan (with his woman beating antics).

Ahh yes, true patriots - all of you.

But the vile enemy known as the feminist have set their eyes on them. The above patriots were not to be tempted but the next generation surely was. And what did we get for the next generation ? PANSIES! That's what we got!

Long hair, studs on their eyes, tongue, ears and nose ... oh the list goes on. There are no real action movies anymore. No, no we have action "heroes"who cry over the fact that they have to kill so much. We have "tormented" super-heroes "disturbed" over their choice of life. We have "kick-ass" soldiers who cannot bring themselves to pull the trigger! You call this a movie ??? I call this PANSY!

Oh but the critics love it. They love it. They give it four flowers out of four. I bet they're all pro-feminists. The traitors.

What effect does it have on us, you ask ? Brothers - look around us. The new generation model themselves on these false stars. The grow ridiculously long hair, they wear studs ... and they ... they ... have facials !!!

The Unthinkable

Please dont shed tears. Dont.

And in the end we are left with a generation that will idolize these pansies. The generation to come will become pansies. They will teach their children to be pansies. Hence in three generations the woman will have replaced men as the dominant in our species. We will not have the alpha male anymore.

Its depressing.

What can we do, you ask ?

Boycott the pansies as evil and immoral. Shave every kid's hair. Let them run bald. Encourage facial and chest hair. Lets pool some money and start a propoganda that will run through our childrens bloods. We can do it, damn it ... we are MEN ! (say that with a throaty rage call)

Go forth, brothers. Go forth and lets make this world masculine again.

Heil, mein Alpha Male !


Caroline Jaine said...

I agree that the masculinity of males is on the decline. Sadly. As is perhaps the femininity of the female. We should celebrate both - for we define each other.

Sorry - was that just a BIT too serious?

Alex Mcone said...

Really ? Does it pass off as a bit too serious ? Yikes.

I'm going to get a lot of hate mail for this aren't I ?

Well to make sure you dont have any doubts this is purely a humor post and does not reflect my views at all! If it seems like it is; I must have got into character really well. :D

Claire said...

Just be a good boy and change the picture, hurry up.

Stinkypaw said...

True men aren't what they used to be, but then again women neither...

13thRandom said...

I completely agree. The pansification of maledom has been actively diminishing our territory.

The Metrosexuals are invading us and fast. I had written about this predicament that we guys face in one of my blog posts in the past - Why guys are so insecure? :

Ryammm said...

I can't stop laughing. Thanks for the post!

Kjersti M said...

Alex, alex, alex. You poor man.
How long have men been forced to act as equals to women? 50 years max?

Well, women have been oppressed since the dawn of time, so don't hold your breath on getting your "manhood" back anytime soon.. We kinda like it..

BTW, some females of the insect-species eat their male after mating.. Consider yourself lucky.. ;D

Theresa H. Hall said...

The gladiator looks scary. The young man getting the facial looks as if he takes care of himself and the baby pictures are simply precious.

hammy said...

... and they ... they ... have facials !!!

Hey! Some of those people get tricked into getting facials. So don't go ballasting those poor souls..

Poor unhappy conned souls...

janz said...

hi!i post ur blog in my blog as one of the featured blogs of the day.f u hve time pls check it out.thnx.hve a great day!by the way, i linked u..pls linked me back..thnx again..

harleyblues said...

Um your not angry with women now are you? just kidding nice lil posty you have there I thought it would never end ,,that was deep! ta

cheths said...

yea rightly stated in the blog.. i agree we need to redefine ourselves. yea the facial thing is another funny aspect running our minds (not mine) everyone wants a female so they tend to do this foolish act and what not... great article.. i shall follow your blog from today. do read mine and comment some posts too :) btw i am from karnataka :)

Kirsten said...

You're so right. I am raising my son to be a real man. He can already bench press 200 and he's only 5. I also teach him to slap his little sister around a bit every time she gets uppity.

K. Fields said...

Very funny post! It made me laugh, but then again there is some truth to it too. Yikes... :) Loved the pics they brought the whole sordid tale together!
:) Good luck with your plan on how to get back on top of things.. :)

janz said...

was here

zoram said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
zoram said...

I say "masculinity is being redefined" :)

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Bonnie said...

Great post! You said everything I feel lol. Boy I wish guys will still like Greek gladiators though! Hot.

Rahul said...

This is very true. Back in my dad's day, men loved hunting and fishing and driving around in big gas guzzling SUVs and wearing large manly mustaches. Today, these activities are no longer "manly" but are politically incorrect. Thanks to pro-environmentalist, pro-homosexuality, anti-gun modern media. BTW, you should NEVER worry about hate mail because you speak nothing but the truth!

Karthekeyan Harikrishnan nayakar said...

வன்னியர்கள் பன்னியின் சுன்னியை உம்புவார்கள் .கார்த்திகேயன் ஹரிக்ரிஷ்ணன் என்ற ஒரு வன்னிய பண்ணி மேய்க்கும் தேவேடிய பயல் ஜாதி வெறி பிடித்து ஓர்குட் அலைகிறான்.அவனின் தாயின் புண்டையை ருத்ர வன்னியனுக்கு வாடகைக்கு விட்டு இருக்கிறான்.அவன் வன்னிய பெண்களுக்க ஒரு பொது கக்குஸ் ஆரம்பித்தான். ஒரு முறை பீ பேன்ட வன்னிய பெண்கள் சூத்து கழுவ தண்ணி இல்லை.அப்போது இவனே அவர்கள் சூத்தை நாக்கினால் நக்கி சுத்தம் செய்தான்.