Of Race

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For those of you who don't like long rambling movie critiques I'll give it to you in a nutshell. Watch this movie till the intermission and then run for your life. Because as much as the story will engross you in the first hour it will literally kill you as you watch further.

Abbas-Mastan the "director-duo" has made a movie that is basically a carbon copy of their previous movies as well as using some silly Bollywood gimmicks of the crazy nineties. If you've watched their movies before then you'll know that this is a fast paced suspense thriller with twists every five minutes and characters who are all shady. There are so many twists in this movie that its hard to keep count. Murder, sex, betrayal and money - the four pillars or Abbas Mastan movies are in here and you have to wonder what these two think of themselves and their audience when they keep churning out the same formula every two years. Come on guys ... at least be creative.

The plot revolves around two brothers, Saif and Akshaye with Saif being the older, who are involved in a horse race outfit somewhere in Durban. Saif, the mature of the two has feelings for Bipasha Basu who incidentally is also the object of affection for Akshaye. Saif in an attempt to curb Akshaye's drinking problem sacrifices his love and steps aside as the two flirt their way into marriage. Meanwhile Saif has a secretary Katrina Kaif who harbors a secret crush for her boss which he mistakes as affection. Throw a murder into this outfit and you have an investigating officer Anil Kapoor who in turn is adored and worshipped by his assistant Sameera Reddy.

Put in a few twists, boil it for a while and you have Race.

The fact that I named the actors playing their respective roles and not the characters will tell you how disgusted I am with this movie. Race has potential and if the above plot had been presented in a slightly different manner we would have had a blockbuster. The first half is actually quite good with at least one good twist. Anil Kapoor comes in at the intermission and then everything goes to hell.

What is this man doing? He's a fine actor but why does he keep taking roles that portray him as some intelligent genius who cracks one liners and really poor sex related jokes ? He is horrible to watch in this movie. Every scene of his is embarrassing. The jokes aren't funny, his lewd approach to women aren't funny, his appearance isn't funny and he does not really add to the plot. Add to this travesty of screen casting is Sameera Reddy who plays his assistant (???) in skimpy clothes and no brains. All she has to do is keep reminding the audience that she works for a genius and strut her stuff. That is it. If there was any character you had to take off from this film, it has to be her.

Katrina Kaif is another failure in this movie. Oh yes she's gorgeous with some really sexy legs but in the name of everything that is good and holy will everyone please stop telling me that she's the next big Bollywood actress. While I wont doubt the fact that she can act (Namaste London for ex) she falls flat on her face in Race. Her role is of importance to the plot but somehow all she does is walk around in mini office skirts and smile. Her one scene of sorrow is pure torture.

Saif, I think, is trying to break his image as the confused romantic comedian and he does well in a new role. Bipasha too does justice while Akshay breezes through a role he has done quite often in the past. However they are all let down by an awful script and some really corny lines. At one point in the movie a character says "girne aur marne mey bahut fark hota hai" which when translated means : there's a difference between falling and dying.

Well ... DUH !!!

While there are no plot holes which left me mildly surprised there are a number of goof ups particularly in the geography department. The story is set in Durban, South Africa but when Katrina takes a coke out of her refrigerator, the Arabic letters of "Coke" can be clearly seen. (Due to the fact that half the movie was shot in Dubai Media City) And the climactic race scene goes through three countries, namely: South Africa, UAE and India. This particular sequence is so stupid that one car driving through the desert goes through a tunnel and lo, behold when he comes out he's on the edge of a cliff above a thick dense forest.

That is just plain insulting the viewers intelligence.

There is one great highlight in this movie. A one minute sequence featuring the veteran Johnny Lever. I've not been a great fan of this comedian but I must admit he was a pure gem in his brief scene. It's so great that its sad to know that something so well done had to be placed in a movie so bad.

Give Race a miss. You wont regret it.

Of murders and affairs

K sent me an email today from work. It had this link on it. To proceed I'd recommend you read the entire story and come back.

Done ? Good. Oh and by the way I didn't even know this happened in Bangalore until today. :D

Along with the link was the link to the guy's orkut profile. When I checked, a lot of sympathizers had filled his scrapbook with condolences and heartfelt poems. I'm not providing that link here out of respect for the dead.

And its out of the same respect that I'll be brief about this particular murder which has had guys and gals divided. So in a nutshell :

Guys: before he killed himself, he killed her. He lost my sympathies right there. I've been through a divorce in my family. I know how things can get real ugly and how stories can be twisted. Oh and remember there's an alleged poisoning attempt.

Gals: before you make her a martyr to the feminine cause, here's food for thought: she was alleged to have an affair (which I think is true; reasons later). Now if she did have one, then she blatantly cheated him. That's no reason to have her killed and it sure as hell is no reason to make her a saint. Now if she didn't have an affair, that meant she was probably subject to abuse and she took it ? Twenty first century gals, you don't have to take it anymore. You can walk out before waiting to get killed.

And that's all that I'm going to say about them.

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But I am going to talk about affairs.

I've never been married. I dint plan on doing so anytime soon. But there are the hopes just as anyone else. So I can probably understand what someone goes through when those hopes are shattered. I'm not going to rant like I normally do since you or any other reader might have gone through this painful ordeal and I don't want to push this in your face. However I will be brief and to the point as always.

I wont be dealing with divorce here, because that is something I cant understand yet. For example: couple gets married, couple seperates three months later, cites irreconcilable differences as grounds for divorce. Irreconcilable differences ? Three months later ?

See what I mean ?

Ok, so here you are smack in the middle of an affair. The first question you have to ask yourself is: do you know why ? Why are you satisfied with something outside your marriage? This question takes a lot of soul searching and the answers that come out may not be very pretty but its imperative that you do find an answer to this question coz only then can you move forward.

So, now you know. Next question: is the reason feasible ? If you have kids nows the time to think about them and you're going to have to be brutally honest with yourself. Listen to your brain and not your heart. Is your affair feasible enough to move forward. Do you take it to the next level or not ?

If the answer is yes, then reveal everything to your spouse. This is the hardest I know but believe me this is the best way. You've been cheating on them so far and enough is enough. Let them know. There's going to be long talks, teary nights, heated mornings and thoughtful afternoons. But once you're emotions are out there in the open, that's when you'll know for sure if you still have feelings for each other.

Lastly, live with the decision. You took it, you ended a marriage, so live with it. No time or use for guilt, hurt or what if's. It's over. Move on.

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So, you've just found out that your spouse is having an affair.

Hmm. Tougher.

You've either found out by yourself or they've just told you. Either way you are going to have one real real bad emotional hurricane inside you. Anger, grief, self pity, self hate ... you name it, it'll be there. I'd suggest you let the hurricane ride through. Stay away from your spouse at this point of time. It's for the best.

First question: Why ? Why would they have done it ? Relive your marriage and be your worst critic. Don't go looking for their faults, look for your own. If you're spouse has looked outside the marriage then there was something wrong with it in the first place. You probably haven't kept them happy enough to stay.

But done blame yourself. You can only know that they're unhappy unless they tell you so. But if they have told you so and you're still asking yourself why then you are an idiot.

Second question: is it feasible ? Not the affair but your marriage. Again, kids to think about. Don't think about how this might look in society because society doesn't give shit about your marriage. This thing is personal and always will be. So ask yourself if your marriage is feasible enough to move on. Either way there's going to be a lot of work to do.

If the answer is yes, talk to your spouse. See if they want to move ahead. If they don't want to ... let go. There's nothing to gain by holding them back. Just let go. If they want to give it another try ... well its going to be that hardest couple of years in your life but that's for another post.

Finally: live with the decision. You took it, you live with it. Move on.

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I don't know if I've done justice to this topic. All this is based on things I've seen, experienced and the lot of thought I gave into it. If you think I'm wrong let me know and I'll chew on it.

Until the next rant ... have a happy life.

Of hating oneself

Have you ever hated yourself ? I know I have for the past couple of years. As you may know by now I've had three break ups so far and that means three heartbreaks and three instances where I've doubted myself. The last one was pretty damaging to the extent that finding the will to live was pretty hard to find.

I know, I know ... you must be thinking: God damn it, not another sorry frickin sap writing about his broken heart and trying to find sympathy. Well no. I don't believe you can find sympathy across the net. That's one good thing about this forest of wires and that's you'll find the most amount of sarcasm and hard hitting in your face advice anywhere in the world.

So yeah, I'm going to take a cue out of that. I'm going to rant about this despicable nature of humans: hating themselves and I'm going to start with myself.

I used to blame God for all this. You're probably familiar with that too. Anything goes wrong with my life, the first thing I do is turn up to the skies and ask : Why??
Well if God exists and he sat up there in heaven listening to me he'd probably crumple his Starbucks cup and scream back: "ME ?? What are you blaming me for ?? You didn't become an engineer ? DUH !!! Who was the one who didn't attend classes for the two years in pre-grad school ? Three heartbreaks ? DUDE ! Its you !! Nothing wrong with the girls. Its fricking you !! And you have the nerve to blame me ??!!"

If God was the scary omnipotent some cultures think He (or She) is I'd have been struck by lightning 1200 times by now.

So when I realized this important factor, I guessed I couldn't blame anyone else but myself. And so started the self-hating era. Remember Marvin from The Hitchhikers Guide? Well I was kind of like that. Nobody wants to talk to me. Nobody wants to be friends with me. Nobody wants to love me. Whats the point of it all ? Why not just end it ? Blah blah blahde blah!

Ewwwwww. I cringe with embarrassment and clench my fists in anger.

Ok, first off: thinking about suicide is cowardly. Plain and simple. I believe that the ones who do kill themselves have probably been driven to that ends of insanity to point a gun to their temple and pull the trigger. Thinking about it is a different matter. That means the individual is a plain scaredy cat. He's too scared to live and he's too scared to die. Either do it or don't but before you do remember this: it takes more courage to live than to die. And while we're on this point, no that life threatening disease is not coming your way. So stop hoping for it. The people who suffer from them would probably like to push a few stakes up your a$$ for thinking about it.

Get a life! No, no thats wrong. You already HAVE a life ! A life you messed up!! So get up on your feet and start molding it.

Remember Rumsfield saying that you go to war with what you have and with not what you wish you had ? While I disagree with the timing and the context of that statement it rings true in life. We all have dreams. We all have ambitions. I want to be an Academy Award winning screenplay writer. Thats my ultimate goal. Before when I used to look at the ruins of my life I used to go berserk over the fact that I'd never get to where I want to be. Well guess what, you'll never know until you get there. So if ever you feel that you're not going to get anywhere and will be stuck in this ditch forever then just do the following:

Shut the f**k up and start climbing. Either you'll get out or you'll die trying. Both are good.

And finally for those hopeless romantics: LOVE IS NOT EVERYTHING! Oh it sure will seem like it but its not! Out of the six billion in the world one billion probably hates you because of either your ethnicity, your religion, your color, your gender or your sexual preference. Does it really matter ... that things didn't work out with the one person you thought was your soul mate ? If you've been dumped; take it from me : that's the best time to clean your act. In fact I think that is the best thing that will have happened to you. You will not find a better chance of looking at yourself for what you really are. If you still cant deal with it check my previous post.

If you think I've missed out on a few crucial points let me know. And please don't bring religion into this. Not that I dislike religions, its just that I believe in humanity more and I want this post to be about humanity.