Of murders and affairs

K sent me an email today from work. It had this link on it. To proceed I'd recommend you read the entire story and come back.

Done ? Good. Oh and by the way I didn't even know this happened in Bangalore until today. :D

Along with the link was the link to the guy's orkut profile. When I checked, a lot of sympathizers had filled his scrapbook with condolences and heartfelt poems. I'm not providing that link here out of respect for the dead.

And its out of the same respect that I'll be brief about this particular murder which has had guys and gals divided. So in a nutshell :

Guys: before he killed himself, he killed her. He lost my sympathies right there. I've been through a divorce in my family. I know how things can get real ugly and how stories can be twisted. Oh and remember there's an alleged poisoning attempt.

Gals: before you make her a martyr to the feminine cause, here's food for thought: she was alleged to have an affair (which I think is true; reasons later). Now if she did have one, then she blatantly cheated him. That's no reason to have her killed and it sure as hell is no reason to make her a saint. Now if she didn't have an affair, that meant she was probably subject to abuse and she took it ? Twenty first century gals, you don't have to take it anymore. You can walk out before waiting to get killed.

And that's all that I'm going to say about them.

*************************************************************************************

But I am going to talk about affairs.

I've never been married. I dint plan on doing so anytime soon. But there are the hopes just as anyone else. So I can probably understand what someone goes through when those hopes are shattered. I'm not going to rant like I normally do since you or any other reader might have gone through this painful ordeal and I don't want to push this in your face. However I will be brief and to the point as always.

I wont be dealing with divorce here, because that is something I cant understand yet. For example: couple gets married, couple seperates three months later, cites irreconcilable differences as grounds for divorce. Irreconcilable differences ? Three months later ?

See what I mean ?

Ok, so here you are smack in the middle of an affair. The first question you have to ask yourself is: do you know why ? Why are you satisfied with something outside your marriage? This question takes a lot of soul searching and the answers that come out may not be very pretty but its imperative that you do find an answer to this question coz only then can you move forward.

So, now you know. Next question: is the reason feasible ? If you have kids nows the time to think about them and you're going to have to be brutally honest with yourself. Listen to your brain and not your heart. Is your affair feasible enough to move forward. Do you take it to the next level or not ?

If the answer is yes, then reveal everything to your spouse. This is the hardest I know but believe me this is the best way. You've been cheating on them so far and enough is enough. Let them know. There's going to be long talks, teary nights, heated mornings and thoughtful afternoons. But once you're emotions are out there in the open, that's when you'll know for sure if you still have feelings for each other.

Lastly, live with the decision. You took it, you ended a marriage, so live with it. No time or use for guilt, hurt or what if's. It's over. Move on.

************************************************************************************

So, you've just found out that your spouse is having an affair.

Hmm. Tougher.

You've either found out by yourself or they've just told you. Either way you are going to have one real real bad emotional hurricane inside you. Anger, grief, self pity, self hate ... you name it, it'll be there. I'd suggest you let the hurricane ride through. Stay away from your spouse at this point of time. It's for the best.

First question: Why ? Why would they have done it ? Relive your marriage and be your worst critic. Don't go looking for their faults, look for your own. If you're spouse has looked outside the marriage then there was something wrong with it in the first place. You probably haven't kept them happy enough to stay.

But done blame yourself. You can only know that they're unhappy unless they tell you so. But if they have told you so and you're still asking yourself why then you are an idiot.

Second question: is it feasible ? Not the affair but your marriage. Again, kids to think about. Don't think about how this might look in society because society doesn't give shit about your marriage. This thing is personal and always will be. So ask yourself if your marriage is feasible enough to move on. Either way there's going to be a lot of work to do.

If the answer is yes, talk to your spouse. See if they want to move ahead. If they don't want to ... let go. There's nothing to gain by holding them back. Just let go. If they want to give it another try ... well its going to be that hardest couple of years in your life but that's for another post.

Finally: live with the decision. You took it, you live with it. Move on.

*************************************************************************************

I don't know if I've done justice to this topic. All this is based on things I've seen, experienced and the lot of thought I gave into it. If you think I'm wrong let me know and I'll chew on it.

Until the next rant ... have a happy life.

Of hating oneself

Have you ever hated yourself ? I know I have for the past couple of years. As you may know by now I've had three break ups so far and that means three heartbreaks and three instances where I've doubted myself. The last one was pretty damaging to the extent that finding the will to live was pretty hard to find.

I know, I know ... you must be thinking: God damn it, not another sorry frickin sap writing about his broken heart and trying to find sympathy. Well no. I don't believe you can find sympathy across the net. That's one good thing about this forest of wires and that's you'll find the most amount of sarcasm and hard hitting in your face advice anywhere in the world.

So yeah, I'm going to take a cue out of that. I'm going to rant about this despicable nature of humans: hating themselves and I'm going to start with myself.

I used to blame God for all this. You're probably familiar with that too. Anything goes wrong with my life, the first thing I do is turn up to the skies and ask : Why??
Well if God exists and he sat up there in heaven listening to me he'd probably crumple his Starbucks cup and scream back: "ME ?? What are you blaming me for ?? You didn't become an engineer ? DUH !!! Who was the one who didn't attend classes for the two years in pre-grad school ? Three heartbreaks ? DUDE ! Its you !! Nothing wrong with the girls. Its fricking you !! And you have the nerve to blame me ??!!"

If God was the scary omnipotent some cultures think He (or She) is I'd have been struck by lightning 1200 times by now.

So when I realized this important factor, I guessed I couldn't blame anyone else but myself. And so started the self-hating era. Remember Marvin from The Hitchhikers Guide? Well I was kind of like that. Nobody wants to talk to me. Nobody wants to be friends with me. Nobody wants to love me. Whats the point of it all ? Why not just end it ? Blah blah blahde blah!

Ewwwwww. I cringe with embarrassment and clench my fists in anger.

Ok, first off: thinking about suicide is cowardly. Plain and simple. I believe that the ones who do kill themselves have probably been driven to that ends of insanity to point a gun to their temple and pull the trigger. Thinking about it is a different matter. That means the individual is a plain scaredy cat. He's too scared to live and he's too scared to die. Either do it or don't but before you do remember this: it takes more courage to live than to die. And while we're on this point, no that life threatening disease is not coming your way. So stop hoping for it. The people who suffer from them would probably like to push a few stakes up your a$$ for thinking about it.

Get a life! No, no thats wrong. You already HAVE a life ! A life you messed up!! So get up on your feet and start molding it.

Remember Rumsfield saying that you go to war with what you have and with not what you wish you had ? While I disagree with the timing and the context of that statement it rings true in life. We all have dreams. We all have ambitions. I want to be an Academy Award winning screenplay writer. Thats my ultimate goal. Before when I used to look at the ruins of my life I used to go berserk over the fact that I'd never get to where I want to be. Well guess what, you'll never know until you get there. So if ever you feel that you're not going to get anywhere and will be stuck in this ditch forever then just do the following:

Shut the f**k up and start climbing. Either you'll get out or you'll die trying. Both are good.

And finally for those hopeless romantics: LOVE IS NOT EVERYTHING! Oh it sure will seem like it but its not! Out of the six billion in the world one billion probably hates you because of either your ethnicity, your religion, your color, your gender or your sexual preference. Does it really matter ... that things didn't work out with the one person you thought was your soul mate ? If you've been dumped; take it from me : that's the best time to clean your act. In fact I think that is the best thing that will have happened to you. You will not find a better chance of looking at yourself for what you really are. If you still cant deal with it check my previous post.

If you think I've missed out on a few crucial points let me know. And please don't bring religion into this. Not that I dislike religions, its just that I believe in humanity more and I want this post to be about humanity.

Of the broken hearted

We've all had it havent we ? At some point or the other we've all been broken hearted. Believe me its pretty serious business. Broken hearted people have done the caziest things like suicide, murder, arson, etc. And its pretty painful too. The gut wrenching pain of a twisted heart is the worst you can ever imagine.

So how do you mend it ? Easy. You dont. It mends itself. But there are a few things you can do to stop you from going loony and getting yourself hurt. So the below are a couple of do's and dont's for the broken hearted.

Oh, before I start - this is for guys. Girls, sorry but I dont know how you handle these situations. I'd be really obliged if you let me know though.

So, lets begin shall we ?

1. Do drink. Please go ahead. Indulge yourself in the sweet release of alcohol. I'm not going to say no to any broken hearted person who wants to drink. However make sure you drink with your friends and not alone. Do not drive after you drink and do not walk back to your house alone after you drink. You're likely to get mugged or worse still you'd probably think of stepping in front of the first car you see. So, please do drink, but drink safe.

2. Do cry. Boys dont cry is what they say. Well f**k that. You have to cry to get those emotions out. Just dont be a sobbing sop though. Get into the bathroom or your bedroom and let it all out for five minutes. Dry yourself up and get back out there. You'll probably be called a pansy for that, but let me tell you something. Holding back your emotions is just stupid. You're going to do yourself more harm than good and I mean physically. Please cry. Its frickin healthy.

3. Do a hobby. If you've had anything in mind, now's the best time. Collect coins, stamps, animal droppings for all I care but just do something. Try not to be idle as much as you can. Being idle will only make your thoughts go into the grief mode and thats when all the morbid and macabre plans start to materialize. So go ahead, do something. Write a story, a poem or paint something. The best works have always come out during the extremest of emotions. Who knows, you could make a lot of money out of it !

4. Do go to work. Taking the day off is not going to help. Go to the office, bury yourself neck deep in work until you cant take it anymore. Trust me, you'll never hate the office again.

5. Dont be alone. If you're a person who had no friends other than the woman you loved, by God are you pathetic! Go out with friends, get some male bonding done. Accept the fact that you're never really going to forget her or the love you had ... but you'll have one helluva beach rave party in Goa that'll get you pretty close.

6. Dont go to a prostitute. Major mistake. Not only are you going to lose money, you are also not going to get the passion and intensity you want. Besides with the grief you have inside you, you might not be able to perform and that is not going to do your self confidence any good.

7. Do not date. You're vulnerable. If your date shows any sign of care you're very likely to grab on to it and not let go. That's only going to get you dumped again. Dont date.

8. Do forgive. If you're thinking about revenge ... what are you: 15 ? If she's dumped you its for the best. Probably wouldnt have worked out any either way. Trying to find an explanation or trying to get back to her is not going to do you any good. Yeah, burning pictures (read: Jab We Met) are probably cool, and if the girl was one helluva slut who kept playing you on, then letting her have it over the phone is cool too. Otherwise its just not worth it.

9. Dont patch up. Do not go back to her. I gave you crying and poetry and thats about as much as I'll let you. Going back to the girl who dumped you is SAD! Period. She dumped you, you dont need her anymore. Get with it.

10. Do go home. If you have a family who understands and respects your emotions - go home, have a chat over coffee. You'll feel much better. If you have a conservative Indian family where love is the ultimate sin - steer clear. You're just likely to get a lot of them dreaded lectures.

And remember: you never will forget the ones you love. So dont even try to forget her. When broken hearted, you try to live on. It'll take time, I know but one night six months or maybe even six years later; one night you're going to lie down to sleep and then think to yourself: 'I didnt think about her at all today'.

Thats when you know its all over.

*Edit: Oh I forgot another "do". Laugh. Yep, try to laugh at everything. If you're colleague says the lamest joke you've ever heard then bray like a donkey. Its healthy and gets you in good spirits.

So go ahead, bray ... bray like there's no tomorrow!

Of Valentine's and why I dont like it

Oh I just love that pic.

Valentine's day has its own share of problems without me ranting about it. The Saudi's have already banned everything red from their shops and I bet the Shiv Sena are getting ready for their vigilante marches for tomorrow. And every single person wishes this day never existed. Granted, I dont know if I'm single or not right now (wierd huh?) but I disliked it in general even when I was in a relationship.

I think its cute and I'm all for love, celebration blah-de-blah and thats probably why I dont hate the day. But there are a few things thatI dont like:

Color Codes: Ok, let me get this straight. Red means I'm committed, green means I'm not and white means I'm pathetic. Or is it the other way around ? Bottom line : I DONT GET IT! I tried this thingy back in college and I swear upon my ancestor's grave they kept changing the codes every year just to get on my nerves. These days I just wear multicolored T shirts. Its wierd in a cool sort of way and makes all the V day revellers tear their hair out.

Cards and gifts: Oh you got to get this one right. The unique, mushy, tear jerking card that doesnt exist. I dont get that at all. Whats in a card ? Does it renew your love for the year ? Valentine's was supposed to be more about love than a card or a gift. Period.

"Will you be my valentine ?" Right. Sure. She's been avoiding you for the past three months and you really think she's going to say yes today. Boy, do you live in some creepy fantasy world.

The first call: I gave you all the love I had to give the last 364 days. DOES IT REALLY MATTER THAT I'M 15 MINS LATE ???

Teddy Bears: They're evil. They're silent. They hatch plots, follow you with your eyes and brainwash your girlfriends by whispering subliminal messages in their ears while they sleep. Boys, beware: the teddy will make you lose your girl.

Happy Valentines ! :)

Of Boys and Girls - Part 1

Disclaimer: The following post and the subsequent sequels may give readers the wrong assumption that the author is a sexist. The author wishes to make it clear that he is not against any sex and are basing these posts either on experience or reliable and confirmed sources.

Boy and girl are having a chat on the telephone. There are the usual mooches and cooches, friendly debates and family talk. Just as they are about to hang up ...

Boy: Oh! Almost forgot. I'm off to watch Cloverfield this Friday with Sunil and Harris.

Girl: Really ? This Friday ?

Boy: Yeah, so I wont be able to meet you Friday evening. I've been waiting for this movie a long long time.

Girl: Thats ok, we'll meet on Saturday. No issues.

Boy: Hey, how about if you come along? We havent booked the tickets yet. We can watch the movie together.

Girl: Naa, thats ok. I dont like monster movies. Besides, its a shaky cam film. Those things make me dizzy. You go ahead. Have fun.

Boy: All rightey then. I'll call you tomorrow. Love ya!

Girl: Right back atcha!

Awww. Now isnt that cute ? All that good feelings, warmth and love ? Makes you wanna dive into a relationship doesnt it ? Isnt love just grand ?

Is it ? Really ?

Same characters. Friday evening. Boy's cell rings.

Boy: Hello ?

Girl: Hi. (Short pause. Boy's instincts flare up) What are you upto ?

Boy: Gettin ready. Sunil's comin to pick me up in 5.

Girl: Where to ?

(Alarm bells ring. Boy notices the tone.)

Boy: PVR. Cloverfield. Remember ?

Girl: Oh. (Short pause again) Hmm.

Boy: (dreads to ask, but has to ask) What's wrong ?

Girl: Oh nothing.

Boy: (melts down on to his chair. He has one sock on his feet and the other in his hand.) No really, tell me whats wrong.

Girl: I ... I just thought you wouldnt go.

Boy: Why would I not want to go ? (air horn blows. worong move!)

Girl: (tone noticeably angry) I just thought you'd want to spend time with rather than watch a movie you can see later.

Boy: Didnt we talk about this ? I thought you had no issues. (boy can almost see the girl dismissing her head as though he's missing the point)

Girl: You're missing the point. You can watch the movie later on. It's not going to go anywhere. Even if you do miss it, you can still watch the DVD. Our time is precious, you wont be able to get our time back !

Boy: I dont want to watch the movie on DVD. What good is watching a monster on DVD rather than on the big screen ?

Girl: Tell me something. Am I more important to you than a stupid CGI monster ? Answer me ! Answer me now !

Boy: (frowns in disbelief) Wha ? Wha ... what are you talking about ? Why are you getting so tensed about this. You know thats not true.

Girl: Then dont go.

Boy: What ?!?

Girl: That's right. Dont go. I want to have dinner with you tonight.

(The boy holds his head in despair. You see, this isnt the first time this has happened.)

Boy: I've already booked the tickets. I cant cancel now.

Girl: (sarcastically) Booked the tickets huh? Did you perchance think about me while you were booking the tickets.

Boy: I asked you if you wanted to come !!

Girl: And I said no. Yes. But you could have asked me again. Or you could have booked an extra ticket for me.

Boy: But you said no !!!!!

Girl: Dont you know me at all ? Dont you think I want to spend time with you ? I can watch any stupid movie if its with you. You should have thought about this. I thought you'd call me and say : look I bought an extra ticket because I cant watch this movie without you. You have any idea how much that would have meant to me ?

Boy: But you said no !!!!!

Girl: Stop telling me what I said.

Pause. Girl is fuming. Boy is struggling for words that might defuse the situation.

Boy: Look, I'll make it up to you. I'll spend my whole weekend with you. Anything you want. Anywhere you want to go. I'm your's for the next two days.

Girl: What if I'm not here tomorrow ? What if I have to go someplace urgently ? What if I die tonight ?

Boy: Oh please, dont start with the dying thingy. You're not going to die.

Girl: Nothing is certain. Thats why every minute we have together is precious. And you want to spend those minutes watching some stupid movie with your stupid friends !

(As if on cue, Sunil walks into the room. He comments, rather loudly, on the fact that the Boy isnt dressed yet and talking on the phone when they have to leave NOW)

Girl: (furious that Sunil has butted his big fat head in) Ok, your friends have come. I'm not going to stop you. Who am I to stop you ? Go ahead : watch your stupid movie. But remember this; you're not seeing me again. EVER!

(hangs up. Boy cant believe what just happened)

Boy: F**k man. I think she just broke up with me.

Sunil: (mulls it over) Tough, man. You comin or not ?

The boy looks at Sunil for a few seconds.

Boy: Yeah, sure.

"She's my best friend!"

From my childhood, I was very keen in mingling with girls. But whenever I approach girls, I don’t know why I am always a loser. By the time I joined college, I made up my mind and decided to blend with them. The start was not bad; I could grab the attention of a dazzling and stunning girl named…better not to mention her name, so let it be Ann. Our acquaintance soon grew into a comradeship. It didn’t take much time for me to have a CRUSH (should be my 16th) on her. But as usual, I was a failure here also. As my Guruji says, “Time and tide waits for no man”. Why didn’t I tell her before he (He is of least importance in this story. So no point in mentioning his name. Moreover I hate doing so..:)) did? Why couldn’t I open up? Once lost is lost for ever. No turning back from now on. I did the same any Tom, Dick and Harry would have done. Conceal the facts and tell everyone that “SHEZ MY BEST FRIEND”.