Friday, February 8, 2008

Of Boys and Girls - Part 1

Disclaimer: The following post and the subsequent sequels may give readers the wrong assumption that the author is a sexist. The author wishes to make it clear that he is not against any sex and are basing these posts either on experience or reliable and confirmed sources.

Boy and girl are having a chat on the telephone. There are the usual mooches and cooches, friendly debates and family talk. Just as they are about to hang up ...

Boy: Oh! Almost forgot. I'm off to watch Cloverfield this Friday with Sunil and Harris.

Girl: Really ? This Friday ?

Boy: Yeah, so I wont be able to meet you Friday evening. I've been waiting for this movie a long long time.

Girl: Thats ok, we'll meet on Saturday. No issues.

Boy: Hey, how about if you come along? We havent booked the tickets yet. We can watch the movie together.

Girl: Naa, thats ok. I dont like monster movies. Besides, its a shaky cam film. Those things make me dizzy. You go ahead. Have fun.

Boy: All rightey then. I'll call you tomorrow. Love ya!

Girl: Right back atcha!

Awww. Now isnt that cute ? All that good feelings, warmth and love ? Makes you wanna dive into a relationship doesnt it ? Isnt love just grand ?

Is it ? Really ?

Same characters. Friday evening. Boy's cell rings.

Boy: Hello ?

Girl: Hi. (Short pause. Boy's instincts flare up) What are you upto ?

Boy: Gettin ready. Sunil's comin to pick me up in 5.

Girl: Where to ?

(Alarm bells ring. Boy notices the tone.)

Boy: PVR. Cloverfield. Remember ?

Girl: Oh. (Short pause again) Hmm.

Boy: (dreads to ask, but has to ask) What's wrong ?

Girl: Oh nothing.

Boy: (melts down on to his chair. He has one sock on his feet and the other in his hand.) No really, tell me whats wrong.

Girl: I ... I just thought you wouldnt go.

Boy: Why would I not want to go ? (air horn blows. worong move!)

Girl: (tone noticeably angry) I just thought you'd want to spend time with rather than watch a movie you can see later.

Boy: Didnt we talk about this ? I thought you had no issues. (boy can almost see the girl dismissing her head as though he's missing the point)

Girl: You're missing the point. You can watch the movie later on. It's not going to go anywhere. Even if you do miss it, you can still watch the DVD. Our time is precious, you wont be able to get our time back !

Boy: I dont want to watch the movie on DVD. What good is watching a monster on DVD rather than on the big screen ?

Girl: Tell me something. Am I more important to you than a stupid CGI monster ? Answer me ! Answer me now !

Boy: (frowns in disbelief) Wha ? Wha ... what are you talking about ? Why are you getting so tensed about this. You know thats not true.

Girl: Then dont go.

Boy: What ?!?

Girl: That's right. Dont go. I want to have dinner with you tonight.

(The boy holds his head in despair. You see, this isnt the first time this has happened.)

Boy: I've already booked the tickets. I cant cancel now.

Girl: (sarcastically) Booked the tickets huh? Did you perchance think about me while you were booking the tickets.

Boy: I asked you if you wanted to come !!

Girl: And I said no. Yes. But you could have asked me again. Or you could have booked an extra ticket for me.

Boy: But you said no !!!!!

Girl: Dont you know me at all ? Dont you think I want to spend time with you ? I can watch any stupid movie if its with you. You should have thought about this. I thought you'd call me and say : look I bought an extra ticket because I cant watch this movie without you. You have any idea how much that would have meant to me ?

Boy: But you said no !!!!!

Girl: Stop telling me what I said.

Pause. Girl is fuming. Boy is struggling for words that might defuse the situation.

Boy: Look, I'll make it up to you. I'll spend my whole weekend with you. Anything you want. Anywhere you want to go. I'm your's for the next two days.

Girl: What if I'm not here tomorrow ? What if I have to go someplace urgently ? What if I die tonight ?

Boy: Oh please, dont start with the dying thingy. You're not going to die.

Girl: Nothing is certain. Thats why every minute we have together is precious. And you want to spend those minutes watching some stupid movie with your stupid friends !

(As if on cue, Sunil walks into the room. He comments, rather loudly, on the fact that the Boy isnt dressed yet and talking on the phone when they have to leave NOW)

Girl: (furious that Sunil has butted his big fat head in) Ok, your friends have come. I'm not going to stop you. Who am I to stop you ? Go ahead : watch your stupid movie. But remember this; you're not seeing me again. EVER!

(hangs up. Boy cant believe what just happened)

Boy: F**k man. I think she just broke up with me.

Sunil: (mulls it over) Tough, man. You comin or not ?

The boy looks at Sunil for a few seconds.

Boy: Yeah, sure.


Hammy said...

Oh, dude...

I've never been in the situation, but I can so relate to this. I have a few friends who act this way.

This relationship thing can be a topsy turvy ride... Nowhere to hang on. No clue to analyze.

But I have to admit... from a third party point of view... these things are funny. :)

Alex Mcone said...

This actually happened to me. So at the time it was not funny.

But years when you look back on things you just laugh at them, no matter how painful they might have been. You just go on and say: gosh I was so crazy!

The worlds a riot, if we dont laugh along we just end up crying

anN-series said...

ok wat abt a girlfriend who thinks like a guy?...will guys really appreciate that in the long run? intentions of starting a gender debate here...but this question has been troubling me for a long time...

Alex Mcone said...

No, absolutely not. Like I said this isnt about a particular gender. Its about boys and girls. Believe me I'll be posting a few sections on how boys do the crappiest things.