Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Of the worst day ever

Oh yes, it sure counted as the worst day in my life so far. I'm not going to tell you the causes but I can say its not any different from some of the life altering events people around the world have.

Within a span of 24 this issue cropped up from small to resolvable to huge, unbelievably huge and finally utterly irreparable. Of course I watched these events go by with a weary eye but somehow I kept feeling that it would blow over.

It didn't.

And in the span of two hours it turned horrible.

And as if on cue everything else started turning bad. Dogs started chasing me. Birds dropped their poop on me. I kept being pushed around in a crowd. Someone crushed my left foot. And to top it all as night began to fall it started to get bitterly cold and I had no jacket. Perfect. Cold on the outside and cold on the inside.

But that wasn't the worst. The worst was the short term triggered panic attacks.

Have you had them ? They're quite something. You start to sweat. Your chest hurts. Uncontrollable trembling begins. Finger movement - right out the window. You cant sit. You cant stand. Hell you cant walk without almost falling over. All you can do is lie down but that doesn't quite help with the turmoil inside you. Listening to music is not an option, its likely to give you a headache. Suicide, at this point of time, is a welcome thought. And I'm not joking.

First time panic attack victims always mistake it for a heart attack. I've had these before so I knew it wasn't that. This is something only the mind can cure. And without outside help it isn't, by far, the easiest thing to do.

I flip open my cell and dial my sister. Its an international call but who the hell cares ?

Sis: Whats up ?

Me: You're not busy are you.

Sis: I'm in the office, but tell me whats up.

Me: I'm going to ask you something and I need you to be honest.

Sis: Yeah, sure.

Me: Do you love me ?

Sis: What sort of a stupid question is that ?

And I grinned.

I told her what the issue was and she said yes, of course she loved me but the truth is she cured me with that half-hazard question. I just couldn't stop grinning.

Believe me when your having a panic attack, something funny goes a long way in saving your a$$.

Thanks a lot sis. I love you. The world still seems bleak and dead to me, but with you by my side I'm pretty sure I can weather it.

Have a great evening everyone !


Anonymous said...

Hi Alex!
Do you have an unoffical e-mail id that could go public? I'm from Bangalore and thought it would do some good to get talking to you.

Alex Mcone said...

yeah sure ... send me a mail at alex_mcone@yahoo.co.in

It's an email address that I rarely use, so let me know when you mail me.

Anonymous said...

Sent u one, right here, right now.

SilverMagpie said...

We almost bought an apartment in Bangalore ;-)

I had a panic attack before. It was a horrible experience!

Alex Mcone said...

Almost ? What happened ?

And I hope you never have one of those again.

Karen ^..^ said...

I need to do that... the panic attacks have threatened epic proportions lately... This was a great post, by the way.

Alex Mcone said...

Thank you. If you have a great family I've always believed they cure everything. :)

SilverMagpie said...

Well, we were living in UAE at that point, and when our friend went to the apartment instead of us to check the conditions and neighbourhood, it turned out to be overpriced for what it was.

It happens...